"Well Patricia, you know.. you'll have to find some meaning to your life if you don't have children."
I was recently told by someone that if I don't have children that I'm going to need to "find some meaning to my life". This had me so shocked and puzzled for a moment (a long while if I'm being real). I didn't know what else to say other than "oh I have lots of meaning to my life". I was hurt, insulted and I literally had no idea what to do. I kind of brushed it off to be honest. I didn't quite understand; were they implying that I currently have no meaning to my life? (I think so).
It got me to thinking... First of all, Why do we EVER ever ever ever EVVVVVERRRR feel like we can tell others what to do with their life and how they can/should find meaning in their life?
Why do children have the stamp of "meaning" (seems like so much pressure on a child) when they should be free to explore and live their lives. Children deserve to have well adjusted parents who have meaning to their life OUTSIDE of having children.
Now I understand that I don't currently have children and this person is a mother and they may not have meaning outside of their own grown child. That is their issue, not mine. I understand that they were speaking from their own perspective and experience. Child = meaning to your life. However, that's all it is, our own perspective. Do not shade someone elses life with the shades and colors of your life; that is their life to splash with whatever colors and shades that they please!
With the uncommon family being ever so prevalent, I implore you to be SENSITIVE to others needs and feelings around family planning, their choices and sometimes things outside of their control.
I have friends who have fertility struggles, friends who have no desire to have children or get married, friends who are single but want children, friends would do anything to have a child and live in a constant state of grief, friends who are on their 12th cycle of failed IVF, friends who cannot have their own children, friends who have had 3 failed adoptions, blended families and families that don't look like the "norm. These are ALL OKAY! Please be accepting to others who have families (or lack thereof) that do not look like you expect.
Please be sensitive to single men and women and stop asking them when they are going to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. Please stop asking married couples when they are going to have a baby, you never know.. she may have just had a miscarriage, they may have had a failed adoption or may be going through fertility treatment OR how about they don't want children at all! Please stop telling people who HAVE fertility problems that there are "so many options" because sometimes there aren't as many as you may think for that person and the lack of options may be really really painful.
Basically I'm trying to tell you to shut your mouth when you want to tell someone how to live their life especially around family planning, because it's NOT OK. I'll say it again. IT IS NOT OK.
You never know what kind of silent battles people are fighting everyday. Please take today and be a LOVE BOMB. Be kind and sensitive. Be aware of your actions and voice and the impact it has on others. Your voice and actions are very powerful and can be very hurtful.
I am here to tell you that meaning in your life can be ANYTHING YOU WANT!! It could be your puppy snuggles, your significant others, your career, YOURSELF, feeling your toes on the sand, the smell of the ocean, freshly rained on pavement, the way lavender smells when it's freshly bloomed. MEANING IS ALL AROUND US GUYS!!
SO let's be kind to one another and be sensitive to the fact that life doesn't go exactly the way we all planned. So let's carpe fucking diem and SEIZE THE MEANINGFUL DAY!
I love you all and thanks for reading!
xoxo
p.luiz
I was recently told by someone that if I don't have children that I'm going to need to "find some meaning to my life". This had me so shocked and puzzled for a moment (a long while if I'm being real). I didn't know what else to say other than "oh I have lots of meaning to my life". I was hurt, insulted and I literally had no idea what to do. I kind of brushed it off to be honest. I didn't quite understand; were they implying that I currently have no meaning to my life? (I think so).
It got me to thinking... First of all, Why do we EVER ever ever ever EVVVVVERRRR feel like we can tell others what to do with their life and how they can/should find meaning in their life?
Why do children have the stamp of "meaning" (seems like so much pressure on a child) when they should be free to explore and live their lives. Children deserve to have well adjusted parents who have meaning to their life OUTSIDE of having children.
Now I understand that I don't currently have children and this person is a mother and they may not have meaning outside of their own grown child. That is their issue, not mine. I understand that they were speaking from their own perspective and experience. Child = meaning to your life. However, that's all it is, our own perspective. Do not shade someone elses life with the shades and colors of your life; that is their life to splash with whatever colors and shades that they please!
With the uncommon family being ever so prevalent, I implore you to be SENSITIVE to others needs and feelings around family planning, their choices and sometimes things outside of their control.
I have friends who have fertility struggles, friends who have no desire to have children or get married, friends who are single but want children, friends would do anything to have a child and live in a constant state of grief, friends who are on their 12th cycle of failed IVF, friends who cannot have their own children, friends who have had 3 failed adoptions, blended families and families that don't look like the "norm. These are ALL OKAY! Please be accepting to others who have families (or lack thereof) that do not look like you expect.
Please be sensitive to single men and women and stop asking them when they are going to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. Please stop asking married couples when they are going to have a baby, you never know.. she may have just had a miscarriage, they may have had a failed adoption or may be going through fertility treatment OR how about they don't want children at all! Please stop telling people who HAVE fertility problems that there are "so many options" because sometimes there aren't as many as you may think for that person and the lack of options may be really really painful.
Basically I'm trying to tell you to shut your mouth when you want to tell someone how to live their life especially around family planning, because it's NOT OK. I'll say it again. IT IS NOT OK.
You never know what kind of silent battles people are fighting everyday. Please take today and be a LOVE BOMB. Be kind and sensitive. Be aware of your actions and voice and the impact it has on others. Your voice and actions are very powerful and can be very hurtful.
I am here to tell you that meaning in your life can be ANYTHING YOU WANT!! It could be your puppy snuggles, your significant others, your career, YOURSELF, feeling your toes on the sand, the smell of the ocean, freshly rained on pavement, the way lavender smells when it's freshly bloomed. MEANING IS ALL AROUND US GUYS!!
SO let's be kind to one another and be sensitive to the fact that life doesn't go exactly the way we all planned. So let's carpe fucking diem and SEIZE THE MEANINGFUL DAY!
I love you all and thanks for reading!
xoxo
p.luiz
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