Synonym for Broken

Synonym for Broken

            I stand at the top of the staircase and the wind is overwhelming.  I can feel my long chocolate brown hair whipping at my back.  My lips and checks feel chapped and flushed.  My long blue and while sundress flaps between my thighs and through my legs.  I grab onto the banister; “hello old friend” I say.  

            I can see the old banister, spiraling down into the light.  I feel where the wood has been worn down, from so many times before.  When I’ve needed to hold on tight because the wind was too strong.  It always holds steady, my dear old friend. 

As I walk down the stairs I hold my dress in my hands to prevent it from flipping over my head like Marilyn Monroe.  The wind keeps getting stronger and stronger as I walk down the spiral staircase.  At the bottom of the stairs I see a familiar sight; a cream and gold striped messenger-style book bag.  

It looks bigger than I remember.  I walk up to it and sling it over my shoulder like always. “Ouch” I cry out as the familiar ache in my shoulder returns.  “Damn this is heavy” I think to myself as I walk down the hallway towards the door with the light. 

All these years and I’ve only gone to the door with the light.  I have never had the desire to go through another door.  For instance, I walk past a door that’s violently shaking and I feel the frigid air sweep up my skirt.  It looks like there is a storm behind that door.  No thanks, not today.  I pass other doors too but that was definitely the most exciting of them all.

I walk to the door at the end of the hallway and the light keeps getting stronger and stronger.  The wind dissipates and I feel the familiar warmth on my face as I open the door.  I’ve been coming here for years; 21 to be exact.   

As far as my eyes can see is the beautiful meadow of my dreams, stretching out into the horizon. Far out into the distance I see the orchard with the gorgeous opal creek that runs through it.  The orchard has apples, pears and apricots and it’s always in season.  I used to frolic in the meadow when I was younger.  My friends and I would make daisy crowns and chase butterflies.  I’m lost in memories of the past when I see a white butterfly and I know what I need to do.. and I need to do it fast. 

I start marching off for opal creek but I quickly fatigue.  My stamina isn’t what it used to be and the bag is so heavy.  My body aches as I try to carry it to the creek.  I just want to abandon it here and head to the creek anyway.   However, I know there would be no point.  No point in going to the creek (aside from that it’s beautiful) and the heavy bag would be waiting for me when I walked back.  “NO POINT” I think to myself.  So I resort to dragging the bag behind me.  It leaves a trail of wilted grass behind it and don’t even ask about my “cream” bag, HA!.  Sorry grass (and bag) , but this is necessary.

I finally get to the creek and I put my bag beside me.  It’s just going to sit there for a while because I need to take a load off.  I feel around in the bag.  “Thanks Universe!” I say out loud as I pull out an ice-cold beer.  There is nothing better than an ice-cold beer in your dreams.  Let me tell you.  I crack open the beer and take a swig.  The tastes of cool caramel, malt and hops fills my mouth.  It's glorious.  I take a few more sips of my beer and take my sandals off.  

I take a seat by the creek on my favorite rock.  It looks kind of like a diving board but I wouldn’t dive off of it. The creek is about 3 feet deep so if you dove, you’d probably break your neck and die.  

I may not be able to dive off of  the rock but when I sit on the edge of the rock I can dip my toes in the cool, crystal blue water of opal creek.  When I dip my toe in the creek it makes a smooth ripple in the surface of the water.  I look at my reflection in the ripples and I’m immediately jolted back to reality.  I need to face the music; I need to do what I came to do.  Time to pull on my big girl panties.  I pull the book bag closer to me. 

I pull out a book that I don’t recognize.  All of my other books are old and tattered with pages ripped out, soaked with tears of sadness and joy, original poems, sand, snot, bubbles, sticky toddler fingers smudges, short stories and old photographs glued in from a pasts before.  You can hardly even make out the titles all of my books are so old, some of them have even been rewritten. 

This one.. this one is foreign. It’s BRAND NEW.  It’s HUGE, and heavy but.. it’s beautiful.  It’s the softest leather bound book you’ve ever felt.  It is buttery-soft navy pebbled leather and gorgeous gold embossed lettering is so powerful.  I can feel the power in my hands.  “Pituitary Adenoma” is printed in gold letters on the front and down the spine. 

I desperately flip to the last pages wanting to know how it ends, desperately needing to know, but the pages are empty.  Empty sheets of cream parchment waiting to be written.  There is only a forward and a chapter one.  Forward, Chapter 1: Diagnosis.  That’s it.  This book is enormous and has two pages written in it.  I know what I have to do and I gently place the book on top of the water.  I don't want to but I need to let this go.  I need to give it back to the universe.  It will know what to do. 

The slow current starts to take it away.  A gust of wind comes and the book flips open.  It flutters to the beginning of the book and I see writing start to appear.  I can’t quite make it out and I start to walk along the edge of the creek to try to catch up to the book.  The next thing I know I’m in an all out sprint.  I can almost make out what it says.  I’m out of breath and I’m panting.  I can see the title of the second chapter!  It says “Treatment” but I can’t make out anything else.  I’m running so fast my feet start to ache and my head is throbbing.  My mouth is dryer than the Sahara desert. 

I stop to catch my breath.  When I look up, the book is gone.  I know immediately I must accept that.  The only way I’ll see the newly written chapters is when I come again.  That’s the trick.  It’s their way of getting me back here… so I can know the ending.

To be continued..