I have vivid memories of having a middleschool sleepover and before we would go to bed we would talk about what our lives would look like when we "grew up". I don't know about you but I had wild dreams of being married by 24, a mother by 27 and obviously I'd own a home with a white picket fence, a perfect lawn and have 2 . 5 children or whatever. HAHAHAHAHAHA Hilarious.
When I went to nursing school I had firm goals of being an ICU nurse (which I was able to do for a brief time) and eventually a critical care Nurse Practitioner. I would be a critical care nurse for the rest of my life and nothing was going to stop me! I had training as an EMT. I was in emergency medicine and there wasn't anything else I was interested in.
Fast forward and guess what? I was mauled by a dog that weighs more than me, she dislocated my shoulder, tore my rotator cuff and now I'm celebrating the fact that I can hold a coffee cup. Yup- that's my win right now, that I don't drop the coffee cup when holding it. It can't be a FULL coffee cup yet, but I can hold the cup nonetheless.
I could let this situation derail me but I'm determined to be resilient. I have to say that my mother has been my biggest inspiration. She has Rheumatoid Arthritis, (also has a torn rotator cuff) and I've never seen her illness or injury slow her down (even though sometimes I wish she would take it easy -YEAH MOM I called you out. hehe) But in all seriousness if she slowed down I think I'd be worried.
My mom has taught me countless, extremely valuable lessons in life. Here are the two of the most valuable lesssons I've learned from her.
1. If you don't do it now (whatever it is you're thinking of doing, school, launching a business, etc) time will go by anyway and in X years you could have finished whatever it was you wanted to do. When I told her I wanted to go to nursing school but I was "scared" she told me to never let my fear hold me back. In a few years I could be a nurse, or I could be in the EXACT same spot I was currently in at the time. She taught me to go after my dreams with reckless abandon and never look back.
2. You CANNOT be devastated by every devastating thing that happens in your life. If my mom had just rolled over and surrendered like a pill bug every time something terrible happened I would have had a very different upbringing. She has dealt with so much devastation and heartbreak and has risen like a phoenix every time. She has dealt with loved ones struggling with cancer, family deaths in our own home, divorce, illness, injury and all of the other life bullshit that comes along with.. well.. LIVING. (Not to mention her youngest "littlest" daughter being mauled by an enormous dog! How scary!)
Contrary to what you might think my mother is not made of stone, she is just very very strong..more like a diamond. She is a true gem of a woman who has shattered glass cielings and has never let fear or judgement stand in the way of her goals. When she sets her mind to something, she goes for it full force. The older I get, the more and more I appreiate my mother and all of the lessons she has taught me and my sister. My sister and I are pretty much polar opposites, but we are both strong and resilient like our mother. I hope to one day be able to enstill these lessons onto my own children.
So I want to be like my mother...because I'm 100% sure that her life is NOTHING like she had imagined when she was 12, but her life is wonderful nonetheless. Sure, I have to figure out where I go from here, career wise, job wise, life wise, all of that jazz. However, It's comforting to know that my mother has blazed the trail for me.
As long as I follow her example, I'm confident that I can rise above these ashes and reinvent myself. I can become stronger, more thoughtful, more thankful, and more resilient than I was before. I'm proud of the fact that I can hold that coffee cup; that I can type this blog without being in excruciating pain, and the slow but steady progress I'm making with physical therapy.
I'm letting go (this has not come easy) of the idea in my mind of what my life was supposed to look like by the time I was 33... if I focused on what I thought my life would look like I would be a disaster every.single.day.
I am proud of what I've endured and what I have learned and all of the life lessons I have gained. As my Grandad would say "it builds character" and isn't that true. I'm not going to lie and say that this season of life has been easy, or fun, or something that I would have chosen. However, these are the cards I've been dealt, and it's a much better hand than a lot of the world and I'm extremely grateful.
So, let's all remember that life may throw you some pretty messed up nonsense sometimes but just yell PLOT TWIST and try to figure out how you can endure it in a positive, healthy way. Stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.. one day you'll realize that the light has been inside of you this whole time.
Much love
P
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